Labrador Jokes

It’s nearly Christmas! I’m still doing a few last minute portraits but things are quietening down.  A few labrador jokes for you…

A woman brings her parrot to the vet. The parrot is stiff and lifeless.

“I’m sorry ma’am, but this parrot is dead”

“How can you tell so quickly?” replies the woman, “Isn’t there a way to be absolutely certain?”

So, the vet whistles and a beautiful black Labrador Retriever walks in the examining room. The Lab sniffs around the parrot for a few moments, then looks at the vet with sad eyes and shakes his head.

“A dog shakes its head and I’m supposed to believe that?!” cries the woman. “You’re going to have to do more to prove that my poor parrot is dead!”

So the vet leaves momentarily, comes back with a cat and puts it on the table beside the parrot. The cat looks closely at the parrot, walks around it, prods it a bit, then shakes his head and jumps off the table.

Finally, the woman seems convinced. As she turns for the door, the vet announces that she owes him $500.

“$500?!” the woman asks. “How in the world could it be that much just to tell me my parrot is dead?”

“Well, it would have been a lot cheaper, but with that lab report and cat scan…”

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A guy is driving around Oklahoma and he sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog For Sale.” He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.

labrador jokesThe guy goes into the backyard and sees a Labrador Retriever sitting there.

“You talk?” he asks.

“Yep,” the Lab replies.

“So, what’s your story?”

The Lab looks up and says, “Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running.

“But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn’t getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security wandering near suspicious characters and listening in.

“I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I’m just retired.”

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

“Ten dollars,” the guy says.

“Ten dollars? This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?”

“Because he’s a damn liar. He never did any of that stuff.”

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What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

A Laboratory Retriever!

 

If you know any more labrador jokes, please comment below!

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